Parallel Recovery for Families - Lisa Smith
For those of us who have embraced some level of understanding that loving someone struggling with substance use or mental health is not ONLY about that person seeking support, change often joins us like an uninvited guest, bringing both growth and discomfort. If you've chosen to engage in your own parallel change process you might be very familiar with the loneliness that change can bring. This dynamic offers a lot of complexities in transformation and solitude in implementation, particularly when you're the sole advocate for change within your family.
The Lonely Road of Change
Change is like embarking on a voyage into the unknown. It's exhilarating, yet daunting. And when you're the one spearheading change within your family dynamics, it can be downright isolating. The journey is filled with twists and turns. Sometimes, it feels like you're navigating uncharted waters all on your own.
Resistance from Within the Family
Imagine finding the courage and surrender to chart a new course, only to face resistance from those closest to you. Sound familiar? Whether it's your partner, co-parents, siblings, or friends, conflicting views and societal and generational beliefs can create turbulence in the waters of change. It's a challenging journey, but one that's worth navigating.
The Ripple Effect of Personal Transformation
Change isn't just a solo endeavor—it's a collective journey, and the effects of your work ripple outward, reshaping the dynamics of our relationships and challenging the familiar patterns we've grown accustomed to. As you evolve and grow, your relationships evolve too. Some deepen, while others may drift apart. It's during these moments of loneliness that doubts and uncertainties creep in, offering reason to retreat back to familiar ground to avoid disrupting the status quo.
Navigating Doubts and Critics
When others witness your journey of transformation, it often serves as a mirror, reflecting back their own unmet desires and unresolved issues. Suddenly, your decisions and actions are under scrutiny, and you can feel like you're walking a tightrope between staying true to yourself and appeasing others. Consequently, you may become the target of naysayers, criticism and judgment, perceived as a threat to the stability of their own lives. The discomfort and unease triggered by your progress can manifest in overt or subtle forms of resistance, leaving you feeling misunderstood and invalidated. But remember, your journey is yours alone, and staying grounded in your truth is essential.
Seeking Connection and Support
While the journey may feel lonely at times, know that you're not alone. There's a community of others who understand and empathize with your experiences. Finding your tribe and connecting with like-minded individuals can provide a sense of camaraderie and validation, alleviating the burden of isolation and reinforcing your resolve to stay the course. I find a quote by Brene Brown to brilliantly address this need for connection - "The less you talk about it, the more you got. Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgement...It will creep into every corner and crevice of your life."
Embracing the Journey
Change isn't always neat and tidy—it's messy, unpredictable, and beautifully imperfect. Embrace the journey, with all its highs and lows, knowing that growth often emerges from the depths of vulnerability and uncertainty. It's through embracing the messiness of change that we discover our true strength and resilience.
I want to leave you with this: change may be a lonely journey, but it's also a profound testament to your courage and resilience. Stay true to yourself, seek connection and remember that the journey of change is as much about the process as it is about the destination. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and know that you're capable of weathering any storm that comes your way.